I Was Hoping She Would Notice but again Now When She Did... Im Tired

"If you just give up like that, it's pointless."

"Is that so? You think so?" Lucian's voice softened, but there was a hint of amusement as he observed Avey's confused expression.

He suddenly chuckled, his gaze shifting to her as he leaned slightly forward, eyes fixed on her face. He turned his body fully toward her now, sitting at the desk, and for the first time, there was something raw and vulnerable in his posture, his face softening but little disaapointement in his eyes.

"You know, Avey... let me tell you something," Lucian began, his voice quieter, more contemplative. "I never loved or liked anyone in my life... romantically. You were the first person to make me feel that way."

Avey's eyes her confusion deepening as she looked at him. Lucian's gaze never wavered, his expression unreadable yet intense.

He took a deep breath before continuing, his tone almost fragile. "The reason I confessed to you... is because I like you. No," he corrected himself, a hint of sadness creeping into his voice, "I loved you."

He paused, as if weighing his words carefully. "The feelings I had for you, Avey... they were sacred to me. I cherished them, every single moment. You have no idea how much those feelings meant. They were the kind of feelings you don't just throw away."

Lucian's face shifted, as if lost in a memory, his voice becoming nostalgic. "Do you remember the first time I proposed to you?" He let out a small, almost sad chuckle. "Even though we were so close, I thought no, I believed that you'd say yes. We had such a good relationship. I thought for sure you would understand. So, I did it. Right in front of our entire class."

Avey was still staring at him, her expression a mix of confusion and guilt, but Lucian's eyes were distant, lost in the memory of it all.

"Then what happened, Avey?" His voice cracked slightly, betraying the hurt he tried to hide. "You... rejected me. Just like that. Without even blinking. Cold. Emotionless. It felt like you were seeing me for the first time like you didn't know me at all."

He paused, looking down for a moment as the words rushed back to him. "You don't know what that felt like, do you? For someone to be your entire world, to love you so deeply, and then be discarded so easily. It felt like the entire world came crashing down around me."

Lucian's hands clenched slightly on the desk, but he kept his gaze on Avey. "What hurt the most wasn't just the rejection it was how you didn't even look at me as I walked away. It's like... you couldn't care less. I thought you might at least say something. Give me a reason. A single word. Even if it was just... a 'sorry.'"

His voice dropped, thick with emotion, as he almost whispered, "I really needed that, Avey. But you didn't even look my way."

Avey's face turned pale as she recalled that moment, a pang of regret flashing in her eyes. She seemed to shrink under the weight of his words.

Lucian continued, his eyes locking onto hers. "I was in shock, you know? I cried... for the whole night. I didn't even go outside home after that. Didn't leave the house for an entire month." He let out a soft, almost bitter laugh. "I was so depressed. You probably never knew how badly I was hurting, huh?"

His gaze turned slightly downcast, almost embarrassed by the vulnerability he was exposing. "And the worst part... I kept holding my phone, waiting. Hoping that you would at least send me a message. Anything . A single word, Avey."

His voice trembled now, but he didn't look away from her. "I waited, hoping you'd reach out. Maybe ask if I was okay. Maybe a 'Why didn't you come to see me?' or 'I'm sorry for rejecting you.' Even something as simple as a 'Hello.'"

Lucian's laugh was hollow now, as he shook his head. "I kept staring at the blank screen, thinking maybe you'd remember. Maybe you'd remember that there was someone out there who cared about you. Someone who used to be there... who wanted to stay around you."

He fell silent for a long moment, the weight of his words hanging in the air between them. Avey was frozen, her face a mixture of guilt and sorrow. Lucian's expression softened, but the hurt in his eyes remained, the sting of his past rejection still raw in his heart.

Lucian's voice was low, filled with a calm that made his words somehow cut even deeper. "A whole month went by," he said, his gaze fixed on a distant point. "And there was nothing. Not one message, not a call. I thought… maybe you'd changed, that you weren't the person I once knew." He looked down at his hands, his fingers loosely interlaced, and sighed, almost as if he were recalling a memory he'd tried to bury.

"There were so many reasons I loved you," he continued, his tone steady but edged with something barely restrained. "So many reasons why I wanted you in my life, why I kept trying, even when every sign told me to let go. I was terrified terrified of becoming someone you'd just forget, a shadow of a memory that meant nothing to you."

Avey sat in silence, her hands clenching tightly in her lap as she listened, each word feeling like a shard of glass piercing her heart. She wanted to interrupt, to say something, anything, to counter the painful truth in his voice, but the words wouldn't come. She could only watch his face, seeing expressions flicker across it that she had never seen before.

"I fought back my own doubts," Lucian said softly, his voice faltering just a little as he forced himself to continue. "You were slipping away from me, and I could feel it, but I kept fighting because I couldn't stand the thought of not having you in my life. I was scared, Avey. Really scared. I thought if I just tried harder, came back again… maybe things could be different. But when I finally saw you… you acted like nothing had happened, like none of it mattered."

The painful calm on his face broke for just a moment, a shadow passing over his features as he looked up at her, his gaze both gentle and heavy with unspoken sorrow. "I forgave you, you know?" he said, as if that simple fact carried the weight of a thousand battles fought alone. "All of it. the way you treated me that day made me feel like i am not important for you.

Avey felt a lump rise in her throat, her own voice trembling even though she couldn't bring herself to speak. She tried, her lips parting, wanting to say something that might change the look in his eyes, the deep disappointment that was slowly settling there. But it was as if her voice had deserted her, leaving her defenseless, stripped bare in the face of the quiet intensity of his words.

"And you know what I felt that day, Avey?" Lucian continued, his voice still painfully calm, "I felt broken. I remember it so clearly. You looked right at me, and it was as if I were invisible, like every ounce of effort I'd put in, every piece of myself I'd handed over, meant nothing. I felt… hollow."

Avey's hands clenched even tighter, her nails digging into her palms, but she could do nothing to stop the torrent of regret welling up inside her. The words she wanted to say were trapped, blocked by the sudden realization of just how much pain she had caused. She opened her mouth, desperate to tell him she was sorry, to somehow take it all back, but the weight of his gaze held her still, like a spell she couldn't break.